On the Web…

(Updated April 7, 2017)

A post consisting of random oddball stuff found online: spelling and other language disasters, mostly from commenters on various websites.

Now that that’s said, be kind if you find my errors.

“YOU’RE AN IN BREAD MORON!” — Might be a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

“EEKING” — As in, “Eeking out a living.” Unless this refers to actually standing there shrieking to earn a paycheck, it’s “eke” that refers to a small incremental progress, “eek” being something that you (hopefully don’t) do when you see a mouse.

“PIER PRESSURE” — That ought to float your boat.

“REST IN PIECE” — Hey, that’s restful. On the blog this was on, the very next reply started scorning the guy out.

“THAT’S A BUNCH OF DRIBBLE!” — For the love of… it’s DRIVEL!!! Wait, maybe they are dribbly! Better get a bucket!

“THAT DOESN’T JIVE WITH THE FACTS” — And it probably doesn’t shuck either!

“LOW AND BEHOLD” — Is that what you see when you bend down and look up?

“Soon you’ll hear ‘THE PITTER-PATTER OF LITTLE FEED.'” — Say what???

“DUEL CITIZENSHIP” — When you really want to fight for it.

“BOLD-FACED LIE” — I always heard this as “bald-faced lie,” but I see that there has been some lobbying to make “bold-faced lie” acceptable too. I have to wonder if that isn´t what happens when you have someone very influential who is too proud to admit a mistake.

“MUTE POINT” — If it were “mute” it wouldn´t be a point at all.

“CATARAK” — Don’t know if that’s a small boat or an eye problem.

“I’M SELF TAUT” — So lighten up.

“TOWING THE LINE” — It’s “toeing the line,” like where your foot would be when waiting to run a race.

Some people have trouble with idiomatic speech and metaphor, like, *sigh,* thinking Chicken of the Sea tuna is from some kind of underwater chicken, I guess one that wears a snorkel. What can you do?

“MARSHALL LAW” — This is a game character, not a jurisdiction. As the character, it is a play on words. But now people start writing “marshal(l) law,” confusing the “law man,” “marshal,” with “martial” as in “military,” and “martial law” of course being military takeover.

“PANTY ANTE” — “Penny ante,” is used as a descriptive for anything with a low threshold of entry, from low-stakes poker, where you ante up for a penny. What kind of poker this guy is playing, we aren’t sure.

“EXPONENTIAL CHANGE” — Every change nowadays seems to be “exponential,” or “geometric,” which is apparently the same thing. Somehow this word has escaped math class and gotten out into the public, when people really need to say something like “really big” or “pretty darn big” or “Golly!”

A lot of times people mean linear when they say exponential. A linear rate of change can be pretty big too, depends on the magnitude or slope of the change.

“RIGHT TO BARE ARMS” — ??? No one has tried to ban short-sleeves, yet.

“RIGHT AWAY” — “Why did you hit the other car?” “He was in my Right Away! And I’m in a hurry!” Right-of-ways: When you have to get there right away. Almost sorta makes sense.

“NOONE” — It’s not “noone,” “none,” “no-one,” but, “no one”, with a space between NO and ONE. But it is confusing, because of the word, “someone,” which doesn’t have a space. A lot of spelling mistakes must be due to this type of conflict by analogy. How about “gauge?” I often write it incorrectly as “guage,” then do a double-take and correct it to “gauge,” and I often see it misspelled in the same way by others. Got to be because of a confusion with the spelling of “guard,” no? Funny, though, how “guard” never shows up as “gaurd.”

“IN TACT” — Saw this twice already today. Not only jamming words together, but the opposite affliction of breaking words in two, seems to be going around.

PRIZES — Haven’t seen this yet, but I feel it looming: “Consolation Prize” as “Constellation Prize,” or maybe, “Constipation Prize,” cause maybe the prize will make you feel a little better, at least.

OTHER LANGUAGES — “Per say…” “Say la vee…” “And WALA! It’s done.” It’s not people trying to use foreign words, it’s when they don’t even realize the words are from another language, like voilà.

HOMONYMS — These have got to be a problem in all languages, and the spell-checker isn’t much help here (maybe spell-checkers should highlight all homonyms in a special color so you can be aware they need extra attention, just in case — actually, that’s a good idea).

Lead (the metal), led, lead (pronounced ‘leed’), (there’s also the newspaper ‘lede’). Read (sounding like ‘red’), red, read (sounding like ‘reed’). Almost everyone seems to confuse these at one point or another, with good reason. What can you do?

ITS AND IT’S — “It’s” is a conjunction of “it is.” “Its” is the possessive form of “it.” It’s hard to explain, but soon you’ll see its sense. I must be remembering some long-ago fifth-grade English class to come up with that.

“THE TREND OF THE LIMER” — This one is not off the Web, but from a tag on a pair of men’s shorts. Chinese company? Korean? I don’t know, but it’s definitely not from “Holland,” as the Dutch speak good English. Anyway, *HELP*!


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